Post election fears

I found myself greatly saddened by the great amount of grief and anger I saw when I opened my Facebook feed this morning. The lack of faith in the Lord is huge.

I am also greatly saddened by the gloating of fellow Christians. I asked myself, is this what Christ would have wanted? I was answered with a resounding no, only followed by a even deeper feeling of sadness. I weep as I type this, my heart truly hurts.

This last week I have been filled with a hunger for the Word that I can never remember having, I have spent hours this week reading, listing to spiritual leaders and praying. I have be heard, I have been answered. Thankfully this time without a big freaking billboard. My Lord has spoke softly this time, I must have softened, thank goodness.

My greatest fear is that we aren't ready, that my storehouse isn't stocked well enough, that our hearts aren't full enough, that my self and my children don't know the Word well enough.

I fear the hate is see directed towards Christians. I see friends use hateful language towards Christians,  I see a huge lumping of beliefs, and people who do not speak or act as a Christian being lumped in to the same category as myself. I fear that the fears many people have will happen. I fear that we will be seeing some very hard times to come as a country. I also fear that Christians will be blamed for this, and will feel great prosecution. I fear that the anti Christ will use this platform to take hold. Over all a fear that we are seeing the end times and I fear that I'm not ready.

Do I Deserve?

Deserve is such a strong word.  By definition deserve is to do something or have or show qualities worthy of reward or punishment.

So why are we so deserving of things, I see lots of "I deserve to be happy, satisfied, fulfilled, to have this expensive car, ect." But do we really deserve those things and what does that type of thought processes do to our overall happiness? This type of thought creates resentment and resentment only festers.

I was listening to a well know Christian radio station, and an ad for the station came on and it stated that "You deserve to be happy at work".  Okay so its nice to be happy at work, but do you really deserve to be happy? Have you earned it? If you have would your co-worker who is of other beliefs deserve to have to listen to something they find offensive. How is this being Christ like, how is this treating our neighbor with love and being a beacon of light in the dark.

Did Christ deserve to be crucified? Did he complain about how he deserved to be treated better than his disciples. No he didn't, He was humble.

What this comes down to is we as a nation are worshipers of self, full of pride and self worth. Boastful and proud, trampling all others in our path to self fulfillment.

This is not living in the image of Christ.

I am not deserving of my husband, family, home or the salvation Jesus gave to me in his death on the cross. I am blessed to have these things, but not deserving.

One step forward, two steps back

Well I did get up with Dusty, made his lunch and moved the finished wool off the curtain rod in the shower so that he could shower. Then I went promptly back to bed. 

You know I should know better by now. Every time I do that the boys fight nonstop. And it's that pointless fighting, like "stop breathing my air" or "you're watching cartoons wrong". So only 45 minutes of extra sleep was not rewarded. 

And there I go whining again. I'm finding whining is a harder habit to break than gossiping. 

So now I'm sitting at my favorite coffee shop having coffee and the boys had begels. Next on the list is grocery shopping, she brings food in from far to feed her family. 

Let's go on an adventure!

Oh this will be an adventure alright. So on top of changing my eating and exercising habits, I would like to change my spiritual habits as well. 

So it all started with a post on a weaving group about the proverb 31 woman, and how you didn't really have to spin or weave to be a woman of valor. In the article there was mention of A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans. 

So I ordered the book, well three weeks later I'm finally starting the book and it's good. I'm treating it like a bible study and checking verses and cross checking verses and applying these lessons. 

First up this week is:

Cultivate a gentle and quiet spirt (this     

may be chalanging)

Kick the gossip habit 

Practice contemplative prayer

Make a swearing jar for behaviors that mimic the contentious woman of proverbs

Do penance on the roof for acts of contention.  

This is all on top of the everyday Ten Commandments of biblical womanhood. 

1 thou shalt submit to thy husbands will in all things. 

2 thou shalt devote thyself to the duties of the home

3 thou shalt mother

4 thou shalt nurture a gentle and quiet spirit. 

5 thou shalt dress modestly. 

6 thou shalt cover thy head in prayer

7 thou shalt not cut thy hair

8 thou shalt not teach in church

9 thou shalt not gossip

10 thou shalt not have authority over a man

Okay I know this seems like a crazy amount of rules, but really as I read through them I can check a few off that are really easy for me to follow and a couple that are going to take a whole lot of prayer and help from The Lord to change me. But that is what this is all about, building a better me. 

NOTE- there are things that Rachel does in the book that I can't do, or that I don't currently struggle with so I left them off my list. I strongly suggest that you hunt down her book and read it for yourself. 

The craft monster...

As a new SAHM I found that I needed something to do between diaper changes and feeding baby. Well conveniently my husband had taught me the basic crochet stitches.

I learned how to make hats, blankets, dish cloths and pretty much all of those things that you think of granny making. 

Fast forward six years and many many sheep, lots of simple crochet projects, wool education and lots and lots of acrylic yarn. 

A dear friend and fellow locked at home mom, started a business. A lovely hand crochet high end finished product business. At the same time I fell into a herd of angora rabbits. Heck angora = high end right. Then came the need to make bunny fluff into yarn. Well the mills where all backed up by months and months and we needed the yarn much faster than that. 

To fill that need, I bought a spinning wheel. Ya I know I went from granny craft, to great great granny craft. I quickly picked up the art of spinning, thankfully, and we where able to get some bunny fluff yarn done just in time for our local fiber fairs. 

Which all of this back story brings us to today! I'm working on the tail end of a project and I'm so over it. I have to have it all done and ready to ship out in one week. So I will be here just spinning. 

And that folks is how a simple little craft can turn into a total monster that takes over your entire life and house. 

Feeling pretty good, until...

Today I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I did a short 15 min walk on the dreadmill and started a 30 day ab challenge. I don't expect to change shape from round to curvy in just 30 days or even 120 days. I just want to feel better about myself and have more strength and stamina. 

I did ask/beg to have the scale back once a week and I was told that he doesn't want to dig it up that often. So I might just have to be okay with only getting it back once, maybe twice a month. But I did talk my husband into helping me measure! Wahoo! Hey it's kinda exciting to have those numbers. 

Well I better go get ready for a picnic on the beach. 

Skip forward to the next morning....

Well I had a dream that left me feeling kinda sad, so I got up and headed straight to the dreadmill for a nice walk to clear my mind and then did day two of the ab challage I started yesterday. 

Oh ya feeling rocking! I asked kindly with puppy eyes for the scale, for just this morning. Well he gave it back, and stood there to watch me weigh. Well that nut job scale says I have managed to gain my whole 5 pound weight loss back. Talk about popping your ballon! Thankfully my loving husband was right there with his pompoms to cheer me on and agree with me that the scale would make a great target!

So when I take the scale for a nice walk in the woods I will make sure to take plenty of graphic pictures. I could even let other people use my pictures to scare their scales straight!!

Summer is here

Today is the first day of summer break, boys are either taking a nap or reading right now. Yes I'm one of those moms that still makes her kids lay down for naps. Really it started as a survival mechanism, you find those little thing and hold on firmly when you are SAHM of three under three. Naps are mine, so yes they well take naps until they are old enough to read and then they can read during quiet time. 

As you can see I'm totally scattered. This whole build a schedule around school and make it your life, then wham no schedule, everything is a crazy free for all, is nuts. So they are home and they are still tired from the last week of school craziness and naps are good. 

I did in this day of crazy find time to torture myself on The Dreadmill. I started C25k last Sunday. The first day wasn't bad, but it took several attempts and aborts this week before I finally got the second day done. And even better news is while dragging myself along my yoga pants almost fell off! Yep that's me running awkwardly holding my pants up. It was a good feeling. I wanted to go hop on the scale to see if anything had changed. 

Yep I have a scale addiction, I'm not sure why. Now that mine has been relocated to where ever my husband hid it from me, I want it back so bad. It's like I'm I self inflicting torture addict looking for a hit. 

Maybe, just maybe I will find one of my tape measures today. That just might work as a fix for my addiction and inches don't lie.